[Originally published: September 17, 2019. Updated: August 14, 2022.]
Checking the danger of domestic violence is a task that is gaining attention. Lately, the local and international news is filled with stories of domestic violence which sometimes result in deaths. So the questions are: first, what can you do if you are living with an abuser? Second, how can you help an abuse victim?
Definition Of Domestic Violence
So how do relationship experts define domestic violence? Domestic violence is defined as abuse that occurs in a personal relationship between past or existing spouses, partners, boyfriends, and girlfriends. If that definition is accepted, then human abuse has been with us forever. Domestic violence touches men and women of any ethnic group, race, or religion, rich or poor, teen, adult, or elderly.
What Researches Say
Some researchers confirmed most of its victims to be women. One in four women will become a victim of domestic violence sometime. Abuse is also common in teens who are dating. This often occurs through jealousy and controlling behaviours.
Eye-Witness Account of Domestic Violence
Growing up as a kid, I watched our next-door neighbour turn his wife into a punching bag almost on a daily basis. He seemed to get a certain high from pummeling a helpless woman. It was traumatic for me to see this woman with a swollen face and eyes most of the time. Looking back, I wonder what became of the couple. Who knows? Perhaps the man finally succeeded in beating his wife to death.
Those violent domestic scenes kept popping up in my head as I grew older. I can’t stand violence. I hate violence. I recoil from violence. It doesn’t matter whether it’s domestic or public. Violence shouldn’t be the solution to a pointless confrontation. There should be other peaceful ways to resolve disputes.
Abuser’s Weapons Of Terror
A potential abuser may bully, instill fear, threaten, and blackmail. Or verbally abuse to gain power and dominate the other person. He or she may act morbidly jealous, obsessive, controlling, and chronically possessive. Early signs of abuse often occur soon after the beginning of a relationship. It may be difficult to notice initially. But soon after the relationship takes a more serious liaison. The abuse may get eviler.
Emotional abuse
The abuser threatens, gets verbally offensive, obnoxious, name-calling, swears, bangs doors, and breaks dishes. Other negative actions include throwing things against the wall and other heart-shattering emotional abuse. All these tantrums weaken the other person. Of course, a woman or man who sees these violent reactions is either ready to fight back or take flight. I would take a flight, seriously!
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse starts with a slap that soon graduates with time to kick, push, and strangle. Sexual abuse such as forcing a person to have sex against her (his) will is another form of domestic violence. In order to be in control, the abuser extends the violent outburst to the victim’s children, family members, pets, or even shared friends.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse is another weapon particularly when the abuser controls or withholds money to punish or make the victim totally dependent. The act of turning the money problem into a major cause of abuse can also be a result of uncontrolled alcohol consumption.
What To Do If You Are An Abuse Victim
Checking the danger of domestic violence means you shouldn’t waste time. You should get in touch with a local domestic violence group for information and support. They can help you find out about legal and social services in your area. Also, make a visit to your local police.
If you are a teen, talk to an adult you can trust such as your parents, family friend, or school advisor. Many teens are not knowledgeable about life intricacies. Or mature enough to discern when they are being abused. So talking to an adult may help.
Ensure that you know the phone numbers you can call and places you can go in an emergency. Educate your children not to get in the middle of a fight. It can be dangerous. He or she can end up getting the punch intended for another.
And if you decide leaving is an option, make a plan to help keep you safe. This will help when you are getting ready to leave. Your plan might include a tucked-away suitcase with some clothing. Also take with you copies of your car and house keys, money or credit cards, and other important documents. These should include international passports, driver’s licenses, your children’s birth certificates, and yours. If you don’t already have a bank account, you might think of opening one discreetly.
If You Want To Help An Abuse Victim
The things you can do to help an abuse victim include being a good listener and a caring friend. Repeat to the person that he or she doesn’t deserve to be abused. And what’s being done to you is against the law. Finally, help the person to make a plan to stay safe.
However, a woman in domestic violence may not want to leave her husband. She knows the abuser best and knows what options are safest. This has happened several times. Nonetheless, make the victims of abuse know where they can get help if eventually needed.
Why Do Abuse Victims Stay?
People who are not abused might find it hard to understand why anyone would stay in a crazy violent relationship. It is perceived by some people that if a person remains in an abusive relationship, she or he must be weak or dependent. This isn’t correct.
There is more to this issue than simply leaving or staying. A woman may fear that the abuser will take it out on her and the children. Or take custody of her children. She may be financially inadequate. She may blame herself. She may stay for religious reasons. Or just doesn’t want to break up the family. Also, surprisingly she may still love her abuser and believe the abusive phase will pass. This is usually the same similar experience for a man who is being abused.
Harmful Effects Of Domestic Violence
Checking the danger of domestic violence is important because the children are usually worse off in an abusive family. Children grow to see violence as a normal way of life. The early experience raises their chances of being violent in their relationship when they grow up. So, they become either abusers or victims. Teenagers are at a greater risk for depression, drug and alcohol use, and bad conduct.
Even pregnant women are not absolved from abuse. As a matter of fact, the abuse gets worse when women are pregnant, putting the mother and baby in danger. For pregnant women, the risk of infections and bleeding is high. While the baby is at risk of low birth weight, premature birth, and death.
All victims of domestic abuse and their families get hurt, though women are the worst hit. Also likely to have long-term serious health issues such as depression and headaches due to consistent injuries and stress sustained from an abuser. So don’t be indifferent.
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/effects-violence-against-women
Photo Credit: Creative Summons.
