When lying becomes self destructive and how to know the signs, and avoiding them, can help you from going into a self destructive path. Agree we all lie from time to time to avoid embarrassing moments or to get out of a difficult situation. However, some people lie more often than others, and for no reason. Equally, when lying becomes self destructive will often lead to regret, shame, and a loss of trust. And if all you do is throw lies around, sooner or later you get caught in your web of lies, and end up hurting yourself in the process.
Types Of Lies
White Lies: These are intended to avoid harm and are generally about trivial matters. Many white lies are pretty innocent and only partially false or exaggerate the truth. They are used as “social lubricants” without doing much damage.
Gray Lies: These are lies to avoid getting in trouble or to protect yourself from a threat. These lies are generally more complete fabrications and tend to be about serious or self-serving matters. Gray lies are less likely to be socially acceptable than white lies.
Real lies: Some people lie for malicious reasons which are totally socially unacceptable. Real lies carry serious consequences for other people and may lead to situations people consider unfair or unjust. Compulsive and pathological liars are more likely to tell gray or real lies than other people.
Lying for Gain: This includes identity theft, investment fraud, embezzlement, tax return doctoring, Ponzi scheme, dishonesty in the workplace, and other business fraud. Lying for gain is a good example of when lying becomes self-destructive.
Workplace Injustice Hurts Your Heart
Signs Of Lying
There is no one-size-fits-all method to tell when someone isn’t being truthful. Instead, you need to pay attention to that person specifically. If a loved one is lying to you frequently, look for some of these signs.
Contradictory Stories
When someone isn’t telling the truth, it’s harder to be consistent in their story telling. Eventually, they will forget previous lies and start to contradict themselves. As such, if you notice your loved one is contradicting themselves, they may be lying.
Unverifiable Details
Many people who lie frequently tend to add details to their lies to make them seem more realistic and can’t be verified. So, if someone is telling you a story with a lot of details that can’t be proven or disproved, the story may be a suspect.
Overly Dramatic or Long Stories
Especially with compulsive liars, a lie is more likely to be fanciful and farfetched than the truth. Hence if a story seems too theatrical to be true, that may be the case. If your loved one often has tales about exaggerated intense situations, they may be lying to you.
How To Spot A Liar
Do you have confidence in your ability to recognize when someone is lying? A person who is lying may avoid eye contact or try to put “barrier objects” between himself and a questioner. Similarly, he may shake his head no when he is assenting. Or shrug with only one side of his body, suggesting a “fake” emotion. Additionally, verbal clues can be in the form of supporting statements such as “God is my witness…” or “to be honest…”
Living With Frequent Lying
Living with someone who lies frequently can be stressful and uncomfortable. If you want to maintain a relationship with someone who lies to you, there are a few tactics you can use to handle conversations and daily life.
Stay Calm
Many people who lie frequently will react poorly to anger aimed at them. If you believe you are being lied to, remain calm.
Don’t Engage With Lies
If you know something isn’t true, there’s no reason to act like it’s true. Supporting your loved one’s lies will only reinforce his behavior. Instead, sit him down and let him know he’s lying and stop the conversation.
Bottom Line
You have a choice about whether you empower the lies that people tell. It’s important to see the ways you may want to believe a lie. If a charming suitor makes you feel beautiful, perhaps you decide to trust him despite a niggling intuition that he’s bad news. Or maybe you want to believe that a “too good to be true” investment is legitimate because you want fast money. These are easy ways you enable liars.
The onus is on you to be aware when lying becomes self destructive, either to you or to somebody else. So no matter where the pendulum swings, endow yourself with the ability to evaluate the truth. Likewise invest more time and energy in relationships based on trust and mutual integrity.
Finally, if your loved one seems distressed by their lies, you can recommend that they get medical treatment. Therapy may help them face the root of their lying habit and subsequently result in fewer lies in the future.
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