How To Resolve Unequal Sexual Desire

how to resolve unequal sexual desire

How Healthy Is Your Relationship?

Sex therapists lecture us about the value of good sex to a relationship and contribution to good health.  The reason why is because sex does a lot for the senses. Sex is loving, comforts, induce sleep, calms, delights,  gives a sense of wellbeing, and supports healthy discussion and closeness. The question of how to resolve unequal sexual desire discusses how to resolve couples’ differences in sexual desire, the inherent tension, and loss of closeness.

Experts advise that if how to resolve unequal sexual desire involves some painstaking awkward talks, then the rewards in improved sexual and emotional intimacy are worth the trouble. 

How To Resolve Unequal Sex Desire

Well, I am not going to try and define what good sex is.    I will leave the definition of sex to individual experiences.   Nonetheless, the fact remains there are differences in sexual desires between partners that affect relationships. When one partner is hot for sex than the other, tempers may flare, and it becomes difficult to have good sex in such situations.  

However, unequal sexual desire shouldn’t be an end to an otherwise great relationship. Understandably there are times when you are not just in the mood for sex. But your partner’s temperature is on the high side.  There are also times when it is the opposite. You are hot and can’t wait to get it on. But your partner yawns roll over and start to snore. Yes, it really can be frustrating.

how to resolve unequal sexual desire

So this is the time for some soul searching questions. First, do you continue to ignore your partner’s sexual advances? Second, do you feel boxed-in and angry because your partner’s sexual desire is on overdrive? Third, or is it you that feels unloved, angry, and rejected because your partner declines to make love as often as you want?

Research has shown that sexual desire disorders are the most reported sexual problem.  The difference in sexual desire, or libido, occurs in about 90% relationships at some stage and can seem impossible to resolve. But sex therapists advise you to reassess your attitudes and discuss your sexual needs in a truthful and polite manner. With that done, it is possible to salvage the intimacy and closeness you’ve been missing.

Unequal Sex Desire Is Not Totally A Woman Problem

Exhaustion, stress, despair, apprehension, some medications, and illness can all contribute to changes in women’s sexual desire. In addition, the issue of hormonal changes may play a role in lowering sex drive. To also keep in mind is that any bitterness or anger towards your partner will inhibit any enthusiasm for sex.  

While admitting low desire is a bigger problem for women, men are not excluded. A survey showed 33% of women and 16% of men reported a lack of sexual interest within a period of 12 months. In the early period of relationships, sex occurs readily and freely, and the yearning is equal.  After about 18 months, new sexual styles may start to show, which may be baffling and off-putting.  At this point, you may question if you are on the same page sexually. Then again, there is every possibility of rearranging your sex life if you still love and care for each other.

how to resolve unequal sexual desire

Avoid The Tendency To Blame

One of the most destructive things you can do is blame one another for your unequal levels of sexual interest. Some couples start accusing each other of being ‘strange’. They soon get caught up in a spiteful sequence where one person tirelessly chase the other for sex and the other tirelessly recoils.  

Most frequently the person with the lower sex drive is under fire and often persuaded to fix the problem with increased sexual activity. In the long run, the uninterested partner’s sexual drive may increase, only for the other partner to lose interest. How to resolve unequal sexual desire involves respecting the difference in your desire levels. Then take steps to address the problem. 

You may find it uncomfortable to discuss your sex lives or unable to clarify to your partner what is arousing or not arousing. Then again keep in mind that reinstating and maintaining a satisfying sex life should be a priority.

Accordingly, couples experiencing sexual desire differences are encouraged to discuss their likes and dislikes or meet each other halfway.  This is because meeting each other halfway may actually increase both chances of getting what you want.

If the difference in sexual desire level is minimal, most couples are able to agree on their sexual activity for mutual satisfaction. On the other hand, if the problem is left unresolved, the small difference in sexual interest can cause long term pressure and misery.

how to resolve unequal sexual desire

Be Spontaneous About Sex

A common misconception about sex is that we should be aroused before we do it. Professional opinion, on the other hand, stipulates that if we wait for this to happen, many would never have sex again. So what to do? The low sexual desire partner should find the willingness to have sex without desiring it.  

The reason? Once we get on with it, despite not being in the mood, desire and arousal often follow.  It is assumed your willingness to do the unintended rests on feelings of benevolence and deference already existing in the relationship. This allows you to be sincere to your partner and enjoy sex as lovemaking rather than an act.

It also helps to move your perception of sex from just being about erections, intercourse, and orgasms, to sex being a   source of pleasure and intimacy. As a result, meeting each other’s needs may include increasing your sexual range and learning about other ways to feel emotionally and physically up close and personal. 

https://health.usnews.com/wellness/family/articles/2016-12-20/dealing-with-sexual-desire-disparities-in-relationships

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Translate »