Life Goes On After A Divorce

Life goes on after a divorce

How To Bounce Back From Crisis

It has come to an end. You’ve both agreed on a divorce. And the once upon a time loving relationship, you thought would last a lifetime, is officially over. But life goes on after a divorce. A must-do.

People have different stories to tell about their divorce experience. Everyone’s divorce stories are not the same. Perhaps you were married for a couple of decades, perhaps only a year or even lesser.  Perhaps you have children of your own, or perhaps you don’t. 

life goes on after a divorce

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Whichever way you got to this disheartening stage, the important thing is to figure out who you are. Also what you want now you’re single, what is the new life going to look like. As well as the next several steps towards getting there. Experts provided eight of these initial first steps:

Get Out Of The Self-Pity Mode

When people say “I do”, it’s done with the best intentions. You want to stay with the love of your life forever…till death. No one in his or her right mind marries with the thought of a possible divorce someday. No matter the mutual agreement on separation, it still damn well hurts. It is emotional; you grieve over what should have been.

Perhaps you feel regret for what you did or didn’t do, or ruminate over what you did that was way off the mark. Try to bypass these sorrowful feelings, though you can accommodate some for a while. The damage is done.  There is a vacuum where someone you cared for once occupied, even if that someone perhaps wasn’t needed. 

Evaluate And Rearrange Your Emotions

One thing you don’t do is bring the heavy baggage from your previous relationship into your new life. Look for how to handle remaining emotions from the break-off of your marriage. This could entail talking to a therapist about your emotions. Or concentrate your energy on a healthy activity you love. It’s normal to overlook these emotions hoping they’ll subside on their own. But it’s important to work through them or they’ll contaminate your ability to move your life forward.

life goes on after a divorce

Give Yourself A Dose Of TLC

Injecting yourself with a dose of tender loving care may sound a bit tactless. But the truth is that many people’s self-esteem takes a nose dive due to self-rejection feeling after a divorce. The thinking is that there has to be something wrong with being unable to make the relationship work. The solution is to work on improving confidence and strengthening the belief in your self-worth.

Go On A Self-Discovery Journey

This is a must-do particularly if you were married for decades and given up a lot of the things you enjoyed when single, simply because they didn’t fit in with the couple-hood situation. Perhaps you had enjoyed night-outs, but your spouse loved to stay at home. Perhaps you loved the cinema but your husband disliked the idea and would rather watch home movies with buckets of popcorn.

Also, examine the leisure activities and hobbies before your marriage. Which activities did you abandon as conciliation in support of your marriage? Taking up these interests again is crucial to your renewal.

life goes on after a divorce

Look For A New Reinvented You

Though the period of divorce can be challenging and difficult, there is always a silver lining to help sample a new way of life. After all, life goes on after a divorce, right? It’s as simple as leaving your hair natural after many years of wearing braids.  It’s about learning to sing or play a musical instrument. It’s about changing your place of worship or your sport. It could also be a decision to lose weight or get more education. Or even perhaps you now feel this is the time to change jobs and move overseas.

Having said this, it is equally important not to throw caution to the wind and make irrational decisions. However, chances are that in the process of reinventing yourself you jiggle thoughts on the kids, finance, or a job that may have been affected by the divorce.

The most important is to ponder on some of the things you can do another way to be that person you were before the marriage. On the other hand, there is also the possibility you want to be a completely new person. Search for those changes you can affirm rather than those that are not doable.

It’s Not Odd To Be Single

Being single doesn’t mean you’re excluded from seeing anyone. It just means not being in a serious relationship, or being in a hurry to do so. You are unlikely to get a second glance if you decide to go and dine solo. Society is now more tolerant of singles. The chances are there to make new friends and join different types of groups that connect with your interests.

life goes on after a divorce

Never Say Never Again

Life goes on after a divorce. The fact that one marriage didn’t work, is not the signal to pull the curtain down on new possibilities. There’s a school of thought that says looking for a new horizon should be done outside your comfort zone. That means dating someone who’s not your type. For instance, let’s assume your date-type is someone from a particular socio-economic background, race, or religion. This is the time to change your normal preference and stretch your dating experiences further afield.

life goes on after a divorce

Be Immersed In The New You

Now that you have to handle all aspects of life, knowing they may not go smoothly, that’s OK. For instance, your partner was the one responsible for finance. And suddenly you have a new range of learning and obligation which can actually raise your self-confidence in your own ability.

However, be aware you don’t have to resolve it all alone, reach out for help. And in situations where you make mistakes, you can learn from that experience. A mistake gives you the experience in life and confirms your knack for single life.

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

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